BY ANANDA BARTON
Black Bill the bushranger
Was a man bad and bold
Willing to brave any danger
In his lust for gold!
The beard which gave his name
Grew swart upon his chin
His daring deeds won him fame
And he committed many a sin.
Monsieur Labrosse the lingerie salesman
Waxed moustache full of Gallic pride
Was small, charming pale man
Who sold to the matron and blushing bride.
From town to town would go his cart
Laden with furbelows and frills
He could open any lady’s purse and heart
Such were his peddlers skills!
Black Bill was lurking by the road
His trousers in ill repair
When Labrosse’s cart, with full load
Did round the bend appear.
‘Lingerie!’ Black Bill did say
‘That’s French for trousers mate!
And mine make a sad array
Of that there’s no debate!’
Black Bill grabbed his shotgun
With a glint in his eye
He’d drive a hard bargain
His motto: ‘trousers or die!’
He sprang from ambush
Shotgun held high!
‘Hand over the goods!
Or prepare to die!’
Monsieur Labrosse blanched
‘Mon dieu!’ he cried, in French mode
This was indeed an evil chance
To be robbed upon the road!
‘Your trousers or your life’
Growled Black Bill
‘Hand em over without strife
Or you I’ll have to kill!’
‘Mon pantaloons!’ Monsieur Labrosse cried
‘The garments that my dignity do preserve
The nether coverings that instil in man pride!
The loss of which will be unnerving!’
“You have a whole cart of pants”
Black Bill did sneer
“Surely you can take a chance
To help a dry land buccaneer!”
‘Pants!’ Monsieur Labrosse said
‘I deal in the finer things in life!
Elegant garments for the newlywed
Silken apparel to mend marital strife!’
‘What!’ cried Black Bill, red with rage
“Cunning French dog, leading me astray!
My need for trousers I will assuage
To rob you, you toad, will be a child’s play!’
‘Now off with your nether garments!
I will take both dignity and purse
A warning to cheeky varmints
And impertinent salesmen perverse!’
So Black Bill took the peddler’s britches
Leaving him beside the road
Like a man who a fairy bewitches
Bewildered as a torpid toad!
And Monsieur Labrosse, bereft of breeches
His stock had to don
Silk undergarments shaded like peaches
Failed to cloak his wrong.
Black Bill fled to the country
Monsieur Labrosse to town
The first in new trousers
The second in a silk gown!
Adults goggled and children laughed
As Monsieur Labrosse rode into town
Proudly ignoring comments and chaff
He swore to bring the robber down!
Fellowship & Fairydust 