BY HANNAH SKIPPER

(Missive from the Editor: This poem is a loving homage to If You Give a Mouse a Cookie and other books by Laura Joffe Numeroff, and also references the poetry of Clement-Clarke Moore, the compositions of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, and the Gospels of Saints Matthew and Luke. With appropriate credit to those writers and no copyright infringement intended).

If you make Christmas cookies with a mouse, he’ll start asking about why he can’t eat any of them, and you’ll have to tell him about Santa Claus.

If you tell him about Santa Claus, he’ll want you to read “T’was the Night Before Christmas” to him.

If you read to him, he will want to help you hang the stockings, with care, on the fireplace mantel.

If you let him help you hang the stockings, he will want to help you finish decorating the house.

If you let him help you finish decorating the house, you’ll have to let him help you decorate the Christmas tree.

If you let him help you decorate the Christmas tree, he’ll get tangled up in the lights and you’ll spend an hour getting him out.

After you spend an hour getting him out of the lights, he’ll want to redeem himself by putting the star on the top of the Christmas tree.

If you let him put the star on the top of the Christmas tree, he’ll ask you why you put a star there in the first place, and you’ll have to read him the Christmas story.

If you read him the Christmas story, he’ll want some money so he can buy gifts to bring to you, just like the Magi did for baby Jesus.

If you give him money to buy gifts, he’ll want you to take him to town so he can go shopping.

If you take him shopping in town, he’ll cause a mass exodus of screaming people when he goes into a store.

If he sees all the people running away, you’ll have to remind him that people expect mice to be snug in their beds, with visions of sugarplums dancing in their heads, not stirring around at Christmas.

If you tell him about sugarplums, he’ll want you to take him to see “The Nutcracker” ballet.

If you take him to see “The Nutcracker” ballet, he will get even more upset, because the Mouse King looks like his uncle, and you’ll have to take him home early.

If you take him home early, he’ll still be upset because he made you miss the rest of the show, so you’ll have to offer to make Christmas cookies with him to help him feel better.